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Abby Eagle challenge everything for the truth

 

How to beat your fear of success and raise the ceiling on what you can achieve using NLP and Hypnotherapy. Phone Abby Eagle on 07 5562 5718 or send an email to book a free 20 minute telephone or Skype session. NLP and Hypnotherapy Gold Coast, Book an online Neuro Linguistic Programming coaching session - NLP Skype / Zoom sessions - or face-to-face on the Gold Coast.

 

How to Beat Your Fear of Success & Eliminate Self Sabotage Using NLP

By Abby Eagle (2021)

How to beat your fear of success

Click the Image to Watch on YouTube

In this article I am going to show you how to eliminate self sabotage, overcome your fears and achieve success at a much higher level. So grab a note pad and get ready to take some notes. You will need them in the NLP future selfing exercise towards the end of the article. So when I say something that resonates with you or you get some insight then make sure that you write it down.

Now the concept of self sabotage indicates that the person is quite capable of achieving a higher level of success but when they reach a certain stage they then do something or don’t do something which stops them from rising to a higher level. It is like there is a self imposed lid or ceiling which holds them down. There are a number of parables and analogies that illustrate this.

The elephant and the rope. Keepers of elephants learned that if they tethered a baby elephant to a rope tied to a small post stuck in the ground that the baby elephant soon learned that there was no point in pulling against the rope – so when the elephant grew up it still held the belief that there was no point in pulling against the rope. This is a conditioned response.

The grasshopper in the jar. After a period of time trapped in the jar and bouncing against the lid the grasshopper learns that there is no point in trying to jump higher than the ceiling imposed by the lid. So when the lid is removed the grasshopper limits the height of its jump to that of where the lid used to be.

The bird with clipped wings. Owners of some birds are able to prevent their pet birds from flying away if they trim the feathers on their wings.

The bonsai tree. If a tree is constrained within a small plant pot it can only grow to a small height. But if the tree is taken out of the pot years later then it can grow rapidly to a large size within a short period of time.

Childhood conditioning
So now it’s time to think about how you may have been conditioned by your parents, friends, teachers and society to behave in a self limiting manner. Let’s look at family first. In some families there may be  a structure that says the oldest sibling should achieve the highest level of success or that the boys should be more successful at some activities than the girls. Or that you should follow in the path of your parents rather than stepping out on your own.

Don't want parents to feel bad
Children from poor families may hold themselves back from earning more money than their parents because they don’t want their parents to feel bad in some way. If you get a man and woman in a relationship  - who come from different socio economic backgrounds it could make it extremely uncomfortable for the parents from the poorer family at a wedding or social event – and so poorer people may hold themselves back out of respect for the feelings of their parents.

A virtue to be poor
In some cases children may have been told that it is a virtue to be poor – that there is something spiritual and praiseworthy about living in poverty. In some cases decisions may have been based solely upon the financial situation of the family. For example, I have a friend who had an interest in psychology and art but since his older brother had already enrolled in an engineering degree then the father said that the younger brother should also enrol in engineering since they already had the books and it would save the family a significant amount of money.

Can't stand out from the crowd
As a general rule – parents, friends, teachers, religion, the media and society at large condition people to think and behave in a manner which serves the group rather than the individual. So people may grow up with the belief that they can’t achieve at a high level – or they can’t live the lifestyle of their dreams – because that could make others feel less than or oppressed in some way or another.

Don't deserve to be a success or need permision
In some cases the child could have learned that they did not deserve to be a success or that they needed permission from a parent or teacher to engage in an activity and achieve an outcome.

Don't believe success is possible
In some cases it could just be that you don’t believe that the outcome could be possible for you – and what you really need is some validation from another person.

Values
It could also be about values – necessity versus possibility. As a general rule people will pay more attention to their away-from values than their towards values. So they need to get a job to pay the rent and buy food and clothes but once their basic necessities are taken care of they lose the motivation to work harder or pursue a lifestyle that would support their towards values because they have little practice in doing so.

Not know what to do
It is quite common for people to reach a certain level of success and then not know what to do or how to motivate themselves to achiever a higher level of success.

No matter what you aim for – success will always bring with it some challenges. And as you get closer to achieving the next level of success – or the next mile stone – then there comes a point when you either sabotage yourself and walk away – or you learn to deal with those fears, doubts or lack of motivation – which brings us to a NLP future selfing exercise.

NLP Future Selfing

So what you do is take a large piece of paper – butchers paper or flip chart paper. Draw a line across the top. At the top left you write “present state” and the date. At the top right you write “desired outcome” and the date. In the middle you write “steps and stages”.

Future selfing video

Click the Image to Watch on YouTube

So now on the left side of the paper you itemise your present situation and any problems that you may be facing.

At the top right of the page you draw a box and itemise your desired outcomes three months in the future. You could also list your six month and twelve month goals. You could also ask yourself – if you were able to achieve an amazing level of success what could that look like, sound like and feel like? How would you describe that lifestyle in detail? What type of people would you hang out with? Who would you work and play with? What would the environment that you habitate on a daily basis look like? This is your desired outcome.

Then you start asking yourself questions about what you need to do – that is, the action steps that you need to take to move towards your outcomes and achieve results. Or what thoughts you need to keep in mind. Or the identity and self concept that you need to build – that is who do you need to be to achieve your outcomes.

And then ask the question which is relevant to this article and the concept of self sabotage and that is, “What holds you back?” So now you take the notes that you compiled from the first part of this article and you list them on the future selfing sheet.

If I was working with you face-to-face in a one-on-one session then I would use some fancy NLP techniques to help you make the changes – so keep in mind that the challenge for me in writing this article is to help you make the changes for yourself. A big part of that is the understanding that we think using questions, statements and commands.

So you might ask yourself, “What holds me back?” And your unconscious mind might present the thought, “Is it okay to be a success? Can I do it? What will happen if you are a success?” Which indicates that maybe you need permission. So then ask yourself if you need permission to be a success. If the answer is ‘yes’ then ask yourself, “If you were given permission could you be an amazing success?” If the answer is ‘yes’ then give a command to yourself and say, “I give you permission to be an amazing success at this venture! It is okay to be a success. Your Mum and Dad would want you to be a success – so you owe it to them and to society to be an amazing success. Now go take action.”

Questions, statements and commands
The artful use of questions, statements and commands cannot be overstated. Think about it (that is a command) – what does a good NLP Coach do? (that is a question) – a good NLP Coach will ask artful questions to help you to access and mobilise your inner resources (that is a statement). Do you get it? (another question)

Okay let’s get back on track. You have mapped out your present state and some of the things that could be holding you back – and you have an idea of your desired outcome and the results that you want to achieve. So now take your learning’s from this article and write them down on the future selfing paper. These are the steps and stages.

Make sure that you right down the questions that arise in your mind. Then write down the thought that arises in response to the question. This is how you coach yourself. Then in the bottom right of the future selfing paper tell yourself what immediate action you need to take.  This is your to-do-list. Then take action as soon as you can – right this moment if possible. In this way you train yourself to build in a new pathway to success. And part of this process is doing a new NLP future selfing exercise every few weeks or so. Make it a habit – and you will find yourself reaching new levels of success that could surprise you.

Feel free to leave a comment below and join us over at the Facebook NLP Hypnotherapy Group. If you want some help then feel free to contact me – Abby Eagle using the contact form - top right of this page. And feel to join us on the Facebook NLP Hypnotherapy Group.

 

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