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You are visiting this page because you want to turn your life around and reach a higher level of success. If you use the word "BUT" correctly then you can use it to quit bad habits like cigarettes, marijuana, alcohol, gambling, over eating. You can use the word "but" to spend less money and save money. You can use the word "but" to take your business and your personal relationships to a higher level of success. NLP Coaching and Hypnotherapy - Gold Coast Qld. Neuro Linguistic Programming. Online coaching available.
By Abby Eagle (2016)
In this article I am going to show you how “But” works. How it can work for you or against you.
1. For example, the smoker says, “I want to stop smoking but I get stressed”.
The pattern is a positive statement – a BUT – and then an excuse. The but has the effect of negating whatever went before it.
So if we get the smoker to turn the sentence around and have him say, “I get stressed BUT I want to stop smoking – then it redirectionalises the mind in a positive direction.
What I suggest you do is to listen for every time you use “but”. Write out the sentence – and then rewrite it in a way that works for you.
2. The Forex Trader – the Share Trader – says, “I intend to follow the rules but then I end up changing my mind at the last moment”. And so it ends up being a bad trade. So turn the statement around. “In the past I have changed my mind at the last moment but from now on I will follow the rules.”
3. Another example, “I’d like to take the Wealth Dynamics Test but I don’t have the money”. Turn it around, “I don’t have the money but I’d still like to take the Wealth Dynamics Test and find what type I am”.
Notice how it gets you thinking in a more resourceful manner?
4. Another example, “I want to run a media training event on the Gold Coast but I don’t have an admin person”. Turn it around, “I don’t have an admin person but I want to run a media training event on the Gold Coast”.
It is almost like the attitude is that I am still going to run the media training event even though I don’t have an admin person. It makes me even more determined that I will run the media training event. It gets me thinking of plan B. Who do I need to connect with on the Gold Coast? Who could I team up with? Where can I find a group of people on the Gold Coast who are already self organised? So just by turning the sentence around and using ‘but’ to negate the excuse it gets me thinking in a more creative fashion.
5. And now a different pattern. You say something and the other person says: “BUT don’t you think that…?”
What they have done is to negate what you said.
There is nothing wrong with using ‘but’ – just that you need to use it so that it works for you. If you want to negate what someone says then use ‘but’. If you want to negate a negative thought or behaviour then use ‘but’ to block it.
6. And then the pattern. You say something and the other person says: “BUT do you know what?” You reply, “What?” And they say something which negates what you said.
If the other person uses ‘but’ to negate what you said, what can you do? Well first you need to understand that they have shifted the topic of conversation. And by the way, there are two videos on my channel that show you how to focus the topic of conversation.
If for example, you suggest getting a cat and they say, “But don’t you think that a dog would be a better idea?” You could reply, “Is that what you think? That a dog would be a better idea?” The other person has to reply in some way. You listen, you can consider what they have to say – and then you could use their pattern back upon them and say, “But don’t you think a cat would be a better idea?”
NOW FOR SOME EXCUSES.
What is an excuse? An excuse is a reason given to justify why something happened or did not happen. It is sometimes a way to lessen the blame or release one from responsibility. However, one of the attributes of highly successful people is that they take responsibility for what happens – even if they get stuck in traffic they don’t fall back on that as a means to explain why they missed an appointment. Let’s look at a few excuses.
1. I can’t do that because…
As soon as you hear ‘can’t’ followed by ‘because’ you know that you are going to hear an excuse. Restate the statement as, “I don’t do that. Or I don’t want to do that”.
2. I don’t have the time to do that…
Don’t have the time may be true but it is stated in a way that avoids full responsibility.
Restate the statement as, “It is not a priority for me. It is not that important for me”.
3. I have been busy…
I have been busy indicates that you did not follow through on an action. The activity had a lower priority than other activities. So it was not quite important enough for you to follow through – or perhaps other activities took longer than expected – but even so you were the one who made the choice. So learn from it and in future be careful of what you commit to.
4. I don’t know how to do that…
I don’t know how to do that could be an excuse. You will hear it in the tonality. If the person says, “How do I do that?” “Where can I learn?” Or, “Who can I get to do that?” Then it indicates that they are still engaged.
5. I don’t have the money…
I don’t have the money could be a fact yet in some cases people will use it as an excuse. I have heard countless people tell me that they want to stop smoking cigarettes or marijuana, stop drinking alcohol or stop gambling – they may spend hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars on their habit every week – yet they claim they don’t have a few hundred dollars for a coaching session. So not having the money becomes an excuse not to make an effort to change their behaviour.
The, “I don’t have the money to stop my bad habit.” Is much like the, “I want to stop smoking but I get stressed.” Or. “I want to stop gambling but I don’t have the money to pay for help.” Or, “I’d like to take the Wealth Dynamics Test but I don’t want to spend $100.00.”
If you turn it around then you can get leverage on yourself. For example, “I don’t want to spend $100.00 but I’d still like to take the Wealth Dynamics Test and find out what my personality type is.
Those who make excuses tend to focus on the problem rather than looking for a solution. They tend to be a pessimist rather than an optimist. They tend to blame rather than take responsibility. They tend to be reactive rather than proactive.
So what is the solution? First off, you need to recognise the language pattern. Listen to the words that are used – and listen for the tonality – that is how the words are said. Ask yourself, “Does this thought serve me?” Or. “Does this conversation serve me?”
If not then ask, “So what thoughts would serve me right now? Such that I get to take action towards achieving my desired outcomes.
If you want to learn how to set goals in such a way that you have a higher probability of achieving them then read the article on the Present State to Desired Outcome Model.
If you are looking for an NLP Coach on the Gold Coast or on Skype then contact me – Abby Eagle - using the contact form - top left of this page.
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