NLP Coaching Resources - getting into the drivers seat of your brain/mind
nlp resources index page * Main Menu *
nlp well formed outcome Start with positive thinking
a healthy mindset A healthy mindset
auditory processing disorder NLP for students
wealth dynamics questions Build self image
celebrate yourselfCelebrate yourself
NLP peak performance techniques Coaching Styles
cognitive distortions Cognitive Distortions
how to build courage Courage - how to build.
films that inspire Find inspiration
nlp training system NLP Learning System
nlp frames of mind Frames of mind
nlp frames games Frame games
home business Home Business
How to write an article How to write an article
heirarchy of ideas Hierarchy of ideas
nlp positive thinking I like feeling excited.
NLP learning leader Leadership styles
life is precious Life is precious
NLP mental rehearsalMental Rehearsal
NLP mind body healingMind body healing
Mind to Muscle Pattern Mind to Muscle Pattern
Mind to Muscle for Traders Mind to Muscle for Traders
NLP meta programs Meta Programs
NLP meta programs examples Meta Program Examples
Action Hero meta programs personality type Meta Programs - Action Hero
neurology of meta states Neurology of meta states
NLP coaching task sheet NLP Coaching task sheet
nlp dream machine technique NLP Dream Machine
NLP glossary and definitions NLP Glossary
NLP Meta Model NLP Meta Model
NLP Inverse Meta Model NLP Inverse Meta Model
we are the meaning makers Meaning of life?
what is my personality type Personality Profiling
nlp peace mapping model Peace mapping model
ns power zone procedure Power Zone Procedure
fear of public speakingPublic speaking guidelines
questions statements and commands Questions statements commands
parts integration Resolve inner conflict
how to coach yourself Self Coaching
nlp spelling strategy Spelling Strategy
Spatial Prepositions Spatial Prepositions
nlp coaching Start the day right
nlp stress management Stress management
nlp time management skills Time Management
mindfulness This moment is all you have.
nlp tonality and meaning Tonality and meaning
traditional nutrition Traditional Nutrition
nlp transformation Transform yourself
how to elicit valuesValues Elicitation
change perspectiveViewpoint
wealth dynamics personality profileWealth Dynamics Test
nlp well formed outcome questionsWell Formed Outcome Questions
what is it? What is It?
who do I need to be todayWho do you need to be?
what is food? What is food?


Abby Eagle challenge everything for the truth

How to be a better listener. In this article Michael Hall of NLP / Neuro-Semantics discusses the challenges that come with actively listening to another person. Phone 07 5562 5718 or send an email to book a free 20 minute telephone or Skype session with Abby Eagle. NLP Coaching, Hypnotherapy and Meditation. Gold Coast, Robina, Australia. Online sessions on Skype also available.


Listening is Dangerous: Do You Have the Courage to Listen?

An article by L. Michael Hall 2018 Morpheus #42 Oct. 3, 2018

Do you have the courage to listen?

“The great majority of us cannot listen; we find ourselves compelled to evaluate, because listening is too dangerous.  The first requirement is courage, and we do not always have it.” Carl Rogers

In the above quote Carl Rogers makes a pretty incredible assertion.  He says that listening is too dangerous.  In his context, listening is too dangerous to ourselves, that is, we are not courageous enough to really listen.  So what is the danger?  The danger is that you will be changed.  You might change your mind— your understanding, your belief, your value, etc.  As a coach even when you have no agenda except to be as helpful as the client allows you to be, you may be changed.  Your ideas about the client may change.  Your understandings of what you can do or need to do may change.  And even deeper, the client’s presentation and struggle may affect you deeply— it may relate to things in your own life.

Listening is dangerous because to truly listen, you have to take into yourself the ideas, understandings, premises, etc. of your client— and the mere fact of taking on the client’s model of the world— will affect you.  You will be different.  It is inevitable.

Carl Rogers also described the power of making a summary of a person’s understanding.  In moderating a conflict or helping two people to come to an understanding of each other this is what he recommended.  This is also one of the key processes we use in Group and Team Coaching as a way to facilitate persons within a group to come to truly understand each other.

“Each person can speak up for himself only after he has first restated the ideas and feelings of the previous speaker accurately, and to that speaker’s satisfaction.”

This speaks to listening in that it takes a lot of active listening and effort to summarize what another person has said and to keep check if you now understand them to their satisfaction.  In contexts of disagreement and conflict, this process has to be repeated several times to just get one person to adequately indicate that they have heard another person.  And here the courage to listen and then to articulate the other person’s point of view becomes even more challenging.  That’s because to accurately repeat the other’s point of view to his or her satisfaction requires taking on that perspective.  And in conflict situations, that is the last thing most people want to do.

What makes listening dangerous to yourself, to a change that you might need to make, is that by listening you have to enter into another person’s private world, into that person’s way of thinking, model of the world, and see the world the way that person sees things.  In Meta-Coaching we describe this as entering into the client’s matrix of meaning to understand the client on the client’s terms, not ours.  So this process will feel dangerous to any person who does not have a solid sense of their own self and a strong sense of ego-strength to know oneself.

Given that, now you know why we emphasize ego-strength in APG and in Coaching Mastery.  That’s why we make ego-strength one of the requirements for even being at Meta-Coaching.  Without ego-strength it is essentially impossible to listen to another person without personalizing, being induced into an unresourceful state, etc.  Ego-strength not only means that you can face unsetting and disturbing facets of reality without caving in, it means that you are strong enough in yourself to be available for someone else.  That’s also why we do the Releasing Judgment Pattern in Meta-Coaching and the De-Contamination Chamber.   Those patterns are designed to enable a Meta-Coach to be able to try on someone else’s model of the world without losing his or her own sense of self and model of the world.

The courage that’s needed to fully, accurately, actively, and compassionately listen is the courage to get yourself out of the way as you listen.  It is to release any and every agenda that you might have.  It is the courage to go with what you’re hearing to understand it more deeply rather than judge it or fix it.  It is the realization that whatever is being said it is not about you and you do not have to personalize it.

How courageous are you?  Given all of this about real listening, how easily can you set yourself aside and just listening in order to understand your client on his or her terms?  That’s the question that begins to evaluate your effectiveness as a coach.

___ © Author L. Michael Hall, Co-founder of Neuro Semantics.

Share With Friends








Abby Eagle Discussion Groups
NLP Future Selfing NLP Future Selfing
NLP and Hypnotherapy NLP, Hypnotherapy & Meditation
Peace Mapping online course NLP Peace Mapping



Send a message and we'll get back to you asap.


Required *



NLP Future Selfing


Abby Eagle God the greatest misunderstanding


stop smoking marijuana script
The secret of high achievers
nlp and high achievers
How to build a powerful team
how to build a powerful team