|Abby Eagle's Diary|
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|A felt presence. Deeksha. Authentic happiness.|
|Osho gives me Deeksha|
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|No Internal Dialogue|
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|There is no one there|
|The feeling that I am God. Being conscious in a dream. The river of consciousness.|
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|Awareness showers down|
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Last night I had a dream. I was at a gathering of Sannyasins and Osho selected me to receive Deeksha. He took off a money belt that I had been wearing. I picked up the belt to inspect it. It was hard, constricting, had a lot of pockets and it was empty.
I knelt upright on my knees. Osho did the same. He embraced me and with one hand on my head he gave me a direct transmission of enlightenment. (The word Shaktipat came in to my head after the dream.) His eyes were big and beautiful. When He put His hands on my head my 'I' dissolved into a black emptiness. There were a few swirling purple colours.
I went back to my place in the group. There was just three people - an ex lover Viharo, and two other friends. I was sobbing my heart out. I did not talk to Viharo as I did not want to put the emotion onto her.
Later that night I had two great kissing dreams with two different beautiful women.
"I had an interesting experience when receiving Deeksha last night. A white light formed in my field of vision which then morphed into an image of Jesus Christ. It was not vivid enough to be classed as a vision but was real enough to give me the feeling that He was giving me a blessing. I was really intrigued because I do not consider myself a Christian.
Osho talks though, on how as your energy moves it will project onto the inner screen of consciousness through the conditioning of the mind. In my case I had a Christian upbringing so I had an experience of Jesus.
I have heard that Buddhists will see visions of Buddha, Hindus Krishna and Moslems Mohammed. Osho says not to identify with the content of the vision but just to watch it - eventually it will disappear and be replaced with something even more beautiful."
Thinking about giving Deeksha I remembered how a few years ago I had a very intense experience of a felt presence during a meditation. And then I thought about how I often experience a presence in the room where Deeksha is being given - even if the Deeksha giver is 10 feet away and I may not receive Deeksha for another 10 minutes.
So today I let myself become more aware of the Presence. Realising that the Presence is always with me, has always been with me and always will. Sometimes using the words Divine Presence or Jesus. I then tuned into the Presence and let it intensify and become bigger. I let the feeling of the Presence be all around me and inside my whole body. And I tell you it works.
I was doing a NLP session with a client and at the end we sat in meditation for 15 minutes. I just raised my hands in front of my body and there was a strong feeling - like a divine energy just wanting to channel through me. I am going to have to organise a small group of friends to practise with.
Last night I went to the Deeksha event hosted by my friends. We started with a meditation, followed by the Moola Mantra and then I sat with closed eyes waiting for Deeksha. I made a conscious effort to put myself in a state whereby I could potentially give Deeksha. I felt a presence as if a Deeksha giver was standing in front of me. In the past I have never opened my eyes when I have felt this presence but last night for the first time I opened one eye and there was nobody standing in front of me. The evening was very beautiful and I have noticed that I am a lot more compassionate towards everyone and that I am recognising the wisdom in others.
I have had the feeling since the day before last that I have been initiated into giving Deeksha. I feel like a Deeksha Giver! Now all I need to do is to practise.
And ever since the experience a few weeks ago when I had the sense of Jesus blessing me I have been thinking more in Christian terms. (I am an Osho Sannyasin.) Today I have been thinking that the Holy Spirit is making Himself felt to me and I feel like praying more than usual. What I mean by prayer is a feeling of devotion, of bowing to some higher presence - I find myself holding my hands in namaste, my head bowing a little and being very silent - a devotional type meditative state.
Sitting in meditation and experimenting with new ways to give Deeksha to myself. Since the laying on of hands was a practise of the Apostles of Jesus I tried the following statement: (Note that these statements are all made in present tense.)
"Asking the Apostles to give me Deeksha."
Then I experimented by tuning in to other Mystics.
"Asking Ramakrishna to give me Deeksha." This was quite intense.
"Asking Osho to give me Deeksha."
"Asking Buddha to give me Deeksha."
Then I experimented with the Witness being aware of itself. I tried to erase myself - the 'I'. It is like the 'I' trying to erase itself - it created a little giggling. Then a black mirror formed with no image in it. I tried hard to see my consciousness reflected in the mirror and got a sense of looking at myself. Not seeing a physical image of myself but a sense of a presence looking at itself. This created a bit of giggling and a feeling of happiness. (I see giggling as a positive sign of activity in the left prefrontal lobe.)
Sitting in meditation. Played around with giving Deeksha to myself then I got a sense of the mirror again. So I tried to see into the mirror blackness and see myself looking back. Like staring into the blackness and seeing the presence of me. (Hard to explain.) Losing sense of what direction I am looking. Of whether I am looking into the mirror or looking out of the mirror back at myself?
It got very quiet in my mind. Minimal internal dialogue - no thoughts of anything else other than the task of looking at myself. Then I played with looking into the face of God. Nice.
Went to bed and to sleep. Dreamt I was in Kathmandu and Lhasa. Strange imagery but hard to remember now.
Sunday evening's I usually go to an outdoor tribal drumming event on the Burleigh Beach foreshore. It is held on a large grassed area (a few acres) with towering Norfolk Island Pines, backed by sand dunes with small conifers, and then in front there is a junction of roads with shops, restaurants, a pub, and another park across the road. It has a nice energy. Last night there were about 150 people, some sitting in groups, some standing, others leaning against a tree. About a dozen or so performers - breathing fire, fire twirling, skipping and juggling. In the centre on a slight rise is a circle of musicians - maybe 20 drummers, one guy with a band drum set, some playing didgeridoo, others Aboriginal sticks - on other nights there have been saxophone players. In the middle of the musicians there were about 20 people dancing tribal rhythms.
I am standing, just observing the dancers and the musicians. I feel a little self conscious. I am in peripheral vision. I don't have any real desire to dance or to talk to anyone. I am just seeing and then my sense of 'I' gradually disappears and there is just the 'other'. The self consciousness disappears. The distinctions between the individual musicians and dancers disappears. And there is just drumming - no drummers. Just dancing - no dancers. I have heard about this state a lot but this is one of my first real experiences of it.
I seem to naturally fall into meditation when outside at night. There is something about the street lights, the dark sky and the darkness that makes me aware of how holographic the world is. I find it easy to just 'notice things' without being hooked in. I feel like a tourist who is enthralled on discovering something totally new. I had another profound experience while practising Tai Chi a few years ago.
Last night the Deeksha event in Crabbes Creek was very beautiful. We did Chakra Dyana, chanted the Moola Mantra and then sat in meditation while we waited for the Deeksha Givers to get prepared to give Deeksha.
I took the opportunity to "tune into the universal source of Deeksha energy" and I immediately felt the presence of the Deeksha energy. I opened my eyes just to make sure that there was no Deeksha giver standing in front of me. I have noticed that having other people in the room tuning into the same energy gives me a stronger experience. I then used one of the statements below and got another strong sense of the Deeksha energy. Once again I checked to make sure that no Deeksha giver was standing in front of me.
While receiving Deeksha (1-3 minutes) and while waiting for the next Deeksha (a few minutes) I also played with the following combination of statements:
"Tuning into the universal source of Deeksha energy."
"Asking Ramakrishna to give me the gift of enlightenment in its totality."
"Receiving Deeksha in its 100% totality from...
"Receiving enlightenment in all its totality from...
"Receiving a transmission of divine grace from...
... Osho / Buddha / Rama Krishna / Jesus / the Dasa's / the Cosmic Beings.
For example: "Receiving Deeksha in its 100% totality from the Dasa's.
Note: The Dasa's and the Cosmic Beings refer to two groups of people at Bhagavan's Ashram in India.
I also played with putting my mind out on the horizon - so that my thinking was about 25 miles away directly in front of me. On receiving the fourth Deeksha I got the sense that my 'consciousness' or something like that was being severed from the mind. It felt a little painful.
A very beautiful evening.
"Giving the experience of Deeksha to my father now."
"Giving the experience of Jesus in all His totality to my father."
"Giving the experience of enlightenment in its absolute, supreme totality to my father."
"Jesus revealing Himself to my father now."
It was interesting because even though I has the intention of 'giving' the experience to another it felt like the experience was just as strong or even stronger than usual for myself.
My dreams were very strong last night. Too difficult to write down but a lot of personal power and deep love expressed itself. It is hard to now what triggered or influenced the dreams? Whether it was related to my meditations or not?
I have had this type of dream on a number of occasions over the last month or so. Even though the dreams were vivid last night it is hard to remember clearly. In them I travel long distances and visit strange places with my brother Arthur. (I see him rarely as he lives on the other side of Australia. We also rarely talk on the phone.)
It is night and I am on the back of a push bike. Arthur pedals fast and strong. We visit outdoor 'nightclubs'. Arthur is friendly, extroverted and intelligent. (In real life he is a bit low on the last attribute.) There are amazing landscapes. Sometimes we travel along the side of a road with a steep embankment. We are right on the edge. We can go down into the buildings. Lots of corridors. At this point in the dream it becomes lucid and I am aware that I am dreaming and take the opportunity to consciously explore the dreamscape - rather than the dream happening to me.
At one point in a bush area we come across two Deer lying in a room. Big eyes. One is suffering from having eaten heroin berries by accident.
It feels like the night is very long and the sky is slowly getting lighter. Feeling I should go back. Not sure to where though? But as I start to 'come back' and leave the dream the sky becomes rapidly lighter as it gets closer towards the dawn. Then I don't want to come back and try and hold onto the space that is 'so beautiful'.
I go back to sleep and the dreams recurs a number of times. A bit like delirium - with intense dreaming, yet difficult to recall.
What influenced the dream?
The evening before this dream I had been listening to one of Osho's discourses from the New Dawn series. He was talking on science. I rarely agree with anything Osho says on science and nutrition. Normally I just avoid thinking about the disagreement but last night addressing a photograph of Osho on the wall of my bedroom I told Him what I thought. -- That it is easy to give a monologue to an audience when there is no room for discussion. That he talks in huge generalisations on science with little understanding of what it means to the individual. Basically I thought the discourse (probably The New Dawn #21 ) was a load of rubbish. A year ago I would never have had the courage or clarity to state this, especially publicly on my Blog.
In addition I was thinking intensely about my business. I was using the analogy of the explorer Shackelton who became stranded on an ice pack in the Antarctic. He was in a situation with his men where they had no choice but to take immediate action, work as a team, stay focussed and make significant progress towards their destination each day - or perish when the ice pack melted.
I was flying back from Perth to the Gold Coast after spending 9 days with my family. Due to bad weather at Sydney Airport our plane was prevented from landing for 20 minutes, then when we finally landed we sat on the tarmac for a half an hour. When we disembarked the airport departure lounges were packed with travellers who were all forced to wait for a flight. My connecting flight to the Gold Coast was delayed another 40 minutes.
So the whole energy of this group of travellers was 'waiting'. I took the opportunity to use this energy to meditate. It was so easy and it was great. There was less 'me' and more just an 'otherness'.
Eventually we get on the plane, it takes off and climbs to its maximum flying altitude and then there is a point where the plane begins to descend. At this point I closed my eyes and entered a deep space of meditation until after the plane had landed. During the descent there is a feeling of dropping down inside of one self. In addition the weather was turbulent and the vibrations of the aircraft all helped bring me into the present moment. I am really looking forwards to another opportunity to fly.
I just came up with an interesting analogy. We have a brain. (well most of us do) If we stimulate a part of the brain with a probe it may create a negative state; stimulate another part and it creates a positive state. The act of thinking can also stimulate negative or positive parts of the brain. Acting out of our conditioning can also do the same.
Think of the brain as a maze that you have to navigate. The challenge is to move beyond the mind (that is with no thought) so that the negative parts of the brain quieten. This opens doorways so that we are able to traverse to higher centres of the brain which gives us a positive experience. So it does not matter too much what we believe or what our actions are as long as we are successful in 'switching off and on' different brain centres. It like a game. Once we achieve a certain brain configuration then we are rewarded with enlightenment.
Last night I sat in meditation. Once my mind had settled I experimented with the following statements:
"May the glory of God descend upon me."
"May the Holy Spirit descend upon me."
"May the Divine Spirit descend upon me."
"May the Holy Spirit come close, closer, closer and closer into my heart."
I think I may have tried the statement: "May I be anointed with the glory of God." Or something like that.
My mind became very quiet. Very little internal dialogue. The only internal dialogue in fact being the statements that I was making to the one being petitioned.
The experience was similar to receiving Deeksha. Sitting there, feeling so good, and then feeling surprise when the Deeksha Giver actually puts their hands upon my head and then feeling wonderful.
I began to feel a sense of profound happiness which deepened. My body felt very relaxed and light, and it felt like my second subtle body was about to levitate. A feeling of oneness. Images of celestial angels slowly arose in my mind. I felt like I was rising up towards God. A feeling of 'going home'. I felt profoundly happy and nothing else in my life seemed to matter at all.
I had a shower and went to bed. I had such beautiful dreams. At night on the road. (I like being outside at night.) Roads that were very wide. Crossed the roads. Walking on all fours to get myself up a steep hill. Then meeting a group of people and joining them on a road trip. Beautiful women. Something happened in the dream and I make the statement: "Don't go against your energy, don't fight existence, otherwise the physical body gets harmed." But then I added the caveat that sometimes one needs to go against their energy but it will be hard on the body.
I felt so very, very happy. I wake up yet the feeling of happiness remains. __ © Author Abby Eagle
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