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You landed on this page because you want to deal with jealousy using NLP and hypnotherapy...
Learn to release the jealousy with NLP procedures - release the mistrust - release the hurt - no internal conflict - the underlying issues are dealt with quickly using NLP - make rapid gentle change - learn to find security in your heart - and step into feelings of confidence, trust and love - learn how to tap into the source of universal love.
Envy is about wanting what someone else has.
Jealousy is resentment about what someone else has
In a relationship jealousy refers to the fear and anguish over the possible loss of the mate.
For lovers, jealousy is sometimes an intense uncontrollable emotion that grips them at the core of their being and eats away at the relationship. Jealousy creates conflict and tension within a relationship where there should be love and tenderness. So what to do?
Medication numbs the feeling, cathartic type therapies give you an opportunity to express the emotion, cognitive psychology gives you a way to think about it, while analysis invites you to talk about it but none of these types of therapies are effective with a wide range of people, and rarely do they address the root cause.
Over the years I have had many opportunities to work with jealousy issues and the structure is quite simple. First let me say that in NLP terms we all use strategies for creating emotional states. We have strategies for falling in and out of love, for creating anger and rage, for depression, sadness, hurt, for peace, compassion, bliss, joy and ecstasy. We also use strategies for smoking, drinking, eating, health, exercise, study, learning, meditation, business, making money and so on. What is significant is that none of these emotions or behavioural states can occur without your participation at the level of the unconscious mind.
If we quickly look at smoking we will find that the medical model tells us that smoking is a chemical addiction to nicotine. If that was the case then once a smoker has completed the withdrawal period, which is only a few days, then they should be free of the addiction. But a smoker can be free of smoking for years and then one day a stressor in their life kicks off the habit once again. The same goes for other drug addictions. Clearly chemical addiction is not the problem, instead it is your response to a stimulus in the environment that initiates a sequence of thought processes that result in a behaviour. And to get long term change you need to deal with those processes.
Let me give you a generalisation of how jealousy is created. First there has to be some issues from birth or early childhood around relating to your parents.
Sometimes the child may
not feel loved,
may feel abandoned,
may feel separate from his/her parents,
it may not be okay to feel and express their feelings and emotions to full intensity with one person or a range of people,
may not feel that they deserve to be loved,
may not know how to love,
may not feel that they can have love or receive love, may be conditioned to love someone whom they don't love, may be conditioned to only love one person, and therefore may not feel that it is okay to love, or be loved by more than one person.
As the child grows to a young adult he/she learns to distance him/herself from others, and when he/she falls in love then the other person becomes the sole object of their desire. This places an enormous amount of responsibility upon the other person for fulfilling their needs. Even though we may only have one sexual partner clearly we need to experience love, affection, friendliness, relatedness, happiness and intimacy with a wide range of people. If we only have one person to express our feeling's with then it must place too much of a responsibility and burden on the other.
Let us start with a hypothetical young man called John in a relationship with Karen. Karen says or does something that triggers off the jealousy strategy in John. John may then create an image in his mind of Karen in an intimate encounter with another man. The image is usually of a large colourful but dimly lit bedroom scene. He creates a movie of Karen having an intimate encounter with this lover. In his mind John may zoom in on aspects of the anatomy of Karen with this man. As he zooms in for a closer inspection he amplifies the feelings of jealousy. In his mind John will probably also hear Karen say some words to the hypothetical lover which John thought were reserved solely for him. As John tunes into the tonality of the words he generates more feelings of intensity. He then pays attention to the sensations of jealousy in his body and amplifies them. Like a film director, John directs his own internal porn film until he is driven to the edge of insanity with jealousy.
In simple terms this is how most people create the feeling of jealousy in their life. Once you grasp this concept you can understand why medication, cathartic therapy, cognitive psychology and analysis are doomed to failure. It is because they fail to address the actual structure of how you create your own internal state.
Whether you have a problem with feelings of jealousy, abandonment, guilt, pain, depression, anger, shame, fear, and so on, they are just feelings that you create, and because you create them then you can replace them with positive feelings such as authentic love and compassion.
"The NLP techniques were really powerful. Dealing with my negative emotions - guilt, frustration and jealousy was very moving because I could actually feel the shift in my body. And after the workshop I felt incredibly calm and level with a deeper understanding of where my issues came from. Doing the workshop with my husband was comforting and I'm sure will give us a better understanding of each other.
I now realise there is nothing in my life I can't alter or change. I've learned techniques to clear long standing issues and how to change beliefs about myself. And I've learnt that out of negative emotions/issues, positive outcomes are possible. I've gained a greater understanding of my feelings and my reactions to negative emotions.
I'm looking forward to putting it into practice in an everyday situation. I also feel I can help my children learn a few steps to better their life. I found the way Abby taught us was gentle and compassionate to everyone in the workshop." Donna Hannan, Caloundra QLD
I have participated and worked in the personal growth field since 1980. Most of the techniques other therapists have used to help people deal with the pain of jealousy in relationships have involved cathartic type therapies: heavy breathing, pillow beating, shouting, screaming and crying, none of which was found to be very effective in lessening the negative emotion.
To resolve the issue of jealousy in relationships you first need to understand what you do in your mind to create the feelings. You probably make an image of your lover in an intimate situation with someone else. You probably then zoom in on the image which has the effect of intensifying the feelings. Then you say something to yourself with a tonality that intensifies the feelings of jealousy. You then focus on the feelings and amplify them. By repeating this strategy over and over again you can build the feelings of jealousy to such a state that it damages the relationship and makes your life a misery.
What most people fail to understand is that they play an active role in falling in and out of love and that they do something in their mind to deepen the feelings of love. Then the fear of losing the other kicks in and they run a sequence of thoughts in their mind in such a fashion that it generates intense feelings of jealousy. The feelings of jealousy may then destroy both the love and the relationship. By becoming more self aware of how you create the feelings in your body you can learn to bring more peace, love, happiness and trust into your life.
© Author Abby Eagle
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