You landed on this page because you are tired of feeling jealous...
Is jealousy torturing you and wrecking your relationships?
Learn to release the jealousy - release the mistrust - release the hurt - no internal conflict - the underlying issues are dealt with quickly - make rapid gentle change - learn to find security in your heart - and step into feelings of confidence, trust and love - learn how to tap into the source of universal love.
 What is jealousy?
 Envy is about wanting what someone else has.
Jealousy is resentment about what someone else has
In a relationship jealousy refers to the fear and anguish over the possible loss of the mate.
For
lovers, jealousy is sometimes an intense uncontrollable emotion that grips
them at the core of their being and eats away at the relationship. Jealousy
creates conflict and tension within a relationship where there should
be love and tenderness. So what to do?
Medication
numbs the feeling, cathartic type therapies give you an opportunity to express
the emotion, cognitive psychology gives you a way to think about it, while analysis
invites you to talk about it but none of these types of therapies are effective
with a wide range of people, and rarely do they address the root cause.
How effective is NLP in dealing with jealousy?
Over
the years I have had many opportunities to work with jealousy issues and the structure
is quite simple. First let me say that in NLP terms we all use strategies for
creating emotional states. We have strategies for falling in and out of love,
for creating anger and rage, for depression, sadness, hurt, for peace, compassion,
bliss, joy and ecstasy. We also use strategies for smoking, drinking, eating,
health, exercise, study, learning, meditation, business, making money and so on.
What is significant is that none of these emotions or behavioural states can occur
without your participation at the level of the unconscious mind.
If we quickly
look at smoking we will find that the medical model tells us that smoking is a
chemical addiction to nicotine. If that was the case then once a smoker has completed
the withdrawal period, which is only a few days, then they should be free of the
addiction. But a smoker can be free of smoking for years and then one day a stressor
in their life kicks off the habit once again. The same goes for other drug addictions.
Clearly chemical addiction is not the problem, instead it is your response to
a stimulus in the environment that initiates a sequence of thought processes that
result in a behaviour.
So what are the root causes of jealousy?
Let
me give you a generalisation of how jealousy is created. First there has to be
some issues from birth or early childhood around relating to your parents.
Sometimes the child may
not feel loved,
may
feel abandoned,
may
feel separate from his/her parents,
it
may not be okay to feel and express their feelings and emotions to full intensity
with one person or a range of people,
may
not feel that they deserve to be loved,
may
not know how to love,
may
not feel that they can have love or receive love,
may
be conditioned to love someone whom they don't love,
may
be conditioned to only love one person, and
therefore may not feel that it is okay to love, or be loved by more than one person.
As
the child grows to a young adult he/she learns to distance him/herself from others,
and when he/she falls in love then the other person becomes the sole object of
their desire. This places an enormous amount of responsibility upon the other
person for fulfilling their needs. Even though we may only have one sexual partner
clearly we need to experience love, affection, friendliness, relatedness, happiness
and intimacy with a wide range of people. If we only have one person to express
our feeling's with then it must place too much of a responsibility and burden on the other.
So how do people create feelings of jealousy?
Let
us start with a hypothetical young man called John in a relationship with Karen.
Karen says or does something that triggers off the jealousy strategy in John.
John may then create an image in his mind of Karen in an intimate encounter with
another man. The image is usually of a large colourful but dimly lit bedroom scene.
He creates a movie of Karen having an intimate encounter with this lover. In his
mind John may zoom in on aspects of the anatomy of Karen with this man. As he
zooms in for a closer inspection he amplifies the feelings of jealousy. In his
mind John will probably also hear Karen say some words to the hypothetical lover
which John thought were reserved solely for him. As John tunes into the tonality
of the words he generates more feelings of intensity. He then pays attention to
the sensations of jealousy in his body and amplifies them. Like Steven Spielberg,
John directs his own internal porn film until he is driven to the edge of insanity
with jealousy.
In
simple terms this is how most people create the feeling of jealousy in their life.
Once you grasp this concept you can understand why medication, cathartic therapy,
cognitive psychology and analysis are doomed to failure. It is because they fail
to address the actual structure of how you create your own internal state.
Whether
you have a problem with feelings of jealousy, abandonment, guilt, pain, depression,
anger, shame, fear, and so on, they are just feelings that you create, and because you create them then you can replace them with positive feelings
such as authentic love and compassion.
Read what Donna has to say about using NLP to deal with jealousy:
"The
NLP techniques were really powerful. Dealing with my negative emotions - guilt,
frustration and jealousy was very moving because I could actually feel the shift
in my body. And after the workshop I felt incredibly calm and level with a deeper
understanding of where my issues came from. Doing the workshop with my husband
was comforting and I'm sure will give us a better understanding of each other.
I now realise there is nothing in my life I can't alter or change. I've learned
techniques to clear long standing issues and how to change beliefs about myself.
And I've learnt that out of negative emotions/issues, positive outcomes are possible.
I've gained a greater understanding of my feelings and my reactions to negative
emotions.
I'm looking forward to putting it into practice in an everyday situation. I also
feel I can help my children learn a few steps to better their life. I found the
way Abby taught us was gentle and compassionate to everyone in the workshop." Donna Hannan, Caloundra QLD
Comments
by a Master NLP Practitioner
I
have participated and worked in the personal growth field since 1980. Most of
the techniques other therapists have used to help people deal with the pain of jealousy
in relationships have involved cathartic type therapies: heavy breathing, pillow
beating, shouting, screaming and crying, none of which was found to be very effective in lessening
the negative emotion.
To
resolve the issue of jealousy in relationships you first need to understand what
you do in your mind to create the feelings. You probably make an image of your
lover in an intimate situation with someone else. You probably then zoom in on
the image which has the effect of intensifying the feelings. Then you say something
to yourself with a tonality that intensifies the feelings of jealousy. You then
focus on the feelings and amplify them. By repeating this strategy over and over
again you can build the feelings of jealousy to such a state that it damages the
relationship and makes your life a misery.
What
most people fail to understand is that they play an active role in falling in
and out of love and that they do something in their mind to deepen the feelings
of love. Then the fear of losing the other kicks in and they run a sequence of
thoughts in their mind in such a fashion that it generates intense feelings of
jealousy. The feelings of jealousy may then destroy both the love and the relationship.
By becoming more self aware of how you create the feelings in your body you can
learn to bring more peace, love, happiness and trust into your life.
Types of issues
that can successfully be addressed with NLP and Hypnotherapy
Weight loss.
Eating disorders.
Stop smoking.
Fear
of public speaking.
Anxiety and panic attacks.
Self
confidence.
Stress
management.
Anger management.
Marijuana, drug and alcohol abuse.
Negative emotions such as depression, grief and jealousy.
Stress related health problems.
Relationship
problems.
Sports
performance.
Sexual
abuse.
Trauma resolution.
Life direction.
To get more information about NLP and Hypnotherapy on the Gold Coast of Australia please phone 07 5576 4270 or click on the button to send an email.
Book a free no obligation interview.
- Discuss your situation with Abby Eagle.
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- Put yourself at ease.
- Make up your mind whether you want to work with him or not?
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When you phone please specify whether you want a free 20 minute interview or whether you want to book a session.
Phone 5576 4270
Burleigh Waters Qld - Gold Coast Office
Gold Coast NLP Hypnotherapy Clinic
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